8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
