The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
