your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
