K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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