my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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