I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
PANTIES FOUND
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
