You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And then the night went full on bisexual.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
