how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A+ Viking dick
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
