I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
