ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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