i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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