Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
