Cold hands, warm shart.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize