Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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