If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
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On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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