Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
