He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
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Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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