Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
