Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
