Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
