My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
