so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
