4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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