office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
