Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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