I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
