grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
