my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
