i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
