I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
