BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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