She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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