Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
