i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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