just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
