Do you still have your period?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
