i jhust puked up my retainher.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
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Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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