all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
