I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
