I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
