i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
