I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
