somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
