I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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