The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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