so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
