I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
