She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
