i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
