What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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