You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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