i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
