the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
