everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
