Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just tell him i said nine months
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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