Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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