yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
