Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
