i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
