barbara walters just said penis...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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