Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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