we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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