Dual....:-)
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
