he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
